If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize