The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
