if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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