let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
