I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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