Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
