note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
