video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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