I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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