all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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