i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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