Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
soo... how was my night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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