I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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