i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
