I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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