Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
