i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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