smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
