mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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