I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
