he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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