Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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