I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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