Don't you send me to vm
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
