I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
