Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
