I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
