So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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