it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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