you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
