Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
