My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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