I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
