imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
