the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
