I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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