Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
