Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
