Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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