Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
