Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize