all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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