I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
