I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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