How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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