He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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