if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
