When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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