Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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