LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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