Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
