Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
