Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
