Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
