I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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