I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
