She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
