i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize