I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
