and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
