yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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