I think I won the penis lottery.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
