I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
