yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
as a side note pls kill me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
