There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
