Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
