I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize