You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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