Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
