We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
