who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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