Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
